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Mark Hayden

'A comedian that's new to the game. Still has not found himself or his real mum. Hates ninety percent of human beings and ninety percent of human beings hate him. He's always hoping that you are the ten percent he's looking for. Even a few of the top four percent won't go amiss, he really likes them.

He loves you all really. He really, really does.

Only comedian to get banned from the Leeds Comedy Store. Was not his fault. He said ' Don't want to do the Gong '. They said ' Oh go on, we'll give you free reign of the stage '. He said ' Okay then ' Then a month later was removed from the premises by three bouncers. Who he really really loved but had to tell them his IQ was higher than all three of them put together. One said he had been in three wars. He said ' the wars in your head actually '. But still found the time to kiss and make up a few weeks later with said Bouncer. He's there for you when he appears not to be there for you.

Played XS Malarkeys Manchester, Frog and Bucket Manchester, Original Oak Leeds, Balloon Manchester, Laff your tit's off Huddersfield.

And on Christmas Day about four years ago did over an hour of improv for regulars of his local pub upstairs. To which one man said he felt like a woman because he lost a couple of his ribs from laughing so hard.

Give him a twirl as things can only get better for worse or wear.'