Dil

What can I say about myself that others have never said about me? Well, quite a lot I suppose. From a young age I had decided to emulate Eddie Murphy which seemed to put me square on target with my mother's machine gun style of slipper throwing. I learned to swerve and dive with expertise and great agility.

As I grew older I learned never to admit to one's own flatulence because as a lady if you pretend hard enough that you can't smell a thing you can usually get away with it, as I learned recently when on some new medication which had caused me to have terrible stomach cramps and eventually I was able to let go of the terrible trapped wind in a nearby Marks and Spencers lift to the carpark. I casually let the kind lady go into the lift after me and as I quickly made my way to my car, and as the lift doors shut, I could hear her scream 'Oh Good God !!!'. Hence, I sometimes wear dark glasses when in Bromley.

Yes, I like okra and a little aubergine, but then thats another story.... one I could share happily when on stage.

There is much spice and sexual innuendo to my repertoire. Sometimes I dress as an Asian Aunty, sometimes I like to stand and just take the piss out of Blair because he is such an easy target.

My content nowadays does depend on the audience make-up, unlike when I first started performing stand-up about 7 years ago when audiences used to look like they wanted to hide under their seats and one gig I did, I recall, a little sadistically with fondness, was for some older asian folk, who clutched at pace makers after my set which was based around masturbation and climaxing !!

But I have learned so much since those days. I have refined various characters within my performances and am able to articulate a more subtle approach as well as a challenging one when required. This I do with the help of my alter egoes of which there are many. For example, there is Mad-wanna-be-naked-chef, Asian Aunty-ji, there is 'Princess Hipping & Hopping', Lesbian-Laila, Asian-Babe-page-minus-3, Mischief-Milly - the teenager from hell, Dilvis Presently, Comic-Candy who takes the piss out of all the comedians and then there's just straight stand-up Dil.

I draw a lot of material from EastEnders and Come Dancing where I feel I have gained a lot of life experience. Ofcourse I have learned much of my grammar from Gordon Ramsay and Snoop Doggy Dog.

Further to this I have learned so much from my professional background of 'social worker', where I learned how to avoid being spat at or fondled by rude and crass individuals who were even more adverse to washing than I was when I was younger. Being a social worker you had to often work out where and when to sit especially if the pattern on the sofa moved, dare I say it I learned to stand up for myself here .... well, I just learned to stand actually, on many occasions. I also realised the importance of saying 'no' to tea or coffee, especially when you saw the clients let their dogs lick their faces and their cats were being fondled in places I dare not speak of. I have also worked in hospitals where the doctors left pens in places where thermometers should have been and the nurses were already living out their week-ends mid-week !

I sing a little on stage and love having a good time. I enjoy having fun and making up lyrics for well known songs. I often get audience participation and absolutely revel in hosting shows/events which I expertly keep co-ordinated and timed even if performers don't turn up or have problems with performance times. This has taken time to develop.

Well, I suppose I could tell you about my uncle's goldfish but you need to call me for that little snippet.

I have performed at numerous venues (the list is too long to list here in its entirety, please enquire and I can send you a more detailed c.v), as I have been performing stand-up successfully in excess of 7 years now.

I have also hosted shows, award ceremonies, 'warmed up audiences (oooh-errr missus !!), compered fashion shows, opened/launched conferences and facilitated story telling sessions. I have performed at venues such as 'Comedy Store : Leicester Square', 'Hackney Empire' with Meera Syal, 'Blackheath Halls' with Toyah Wilcox and 'Hothouse Flowers', ' Felix Dexter', 'The Albany theatre, Deptford' with Gina Yashere, 'Southampton Theatre - The Ship' with Donna MacPhail, 'The Drum in Birmingham' with Junior Simpson, 'Watermans Arts Centre', storytelling at the 'Drill Hall' with, to name just a few.

I have had numerous 'one-woman' shows in and around Birmingham, Edinburgh and Europe.

Dj / Party Host
Presently I am also djaying at private events such as all female 'Mehndi nights' (Asian wedding celebrations), as well as hosting public events, such as festivals, eg Lewisham People's Day, Asian Mela (Birmingham , Cannon Hill Park / Perry Park) , Gay Pride (Finsbury Park), Birmingham Pride. I have djayed for a number of Valentine events as well as private ceremonies. I have djayed at World Aids day events this year and 'Tickled Pink events' - in aid of breast cancer support research' charity events as well as several 'special schools for disabled children' for charity. In addition I have hosted events at the Metro centre in Greenwich.

I have had a fantastic time playing R&B music, Salsa, Hip Hop, Dance, Bollywood & Bhangra. I also do requests and have my own music (format : c.d.). I have been djaying for over 4 years now.

I djay at events needing me to do announcements and also ones that don't or even hosting the whole event so that things flow smoothly. I have djayed at numerous Fashion Shows and Conferences. This is fantastic as you get to meet so many interesting people and as well as having a fantastic time hosting the event I usually get my 'groove thing' on with my music.

Radio
I have had 2 regular slots with Westside radio. I get a lot of taxi drivers ringing in telling me I have an INCREDIBLE voice !
I have 'guested' as part of a discussion forums on numerous topical radio programmes.

Voice-overs
I have worked with advertisers and organisations needing a good, clear female voice, such as : advertisements for in-store promotions. I have announced lift floors and also have had my voice used for an e-card. I have also completed book readings for visually impaired children.

General
I don't mind travelling and I love to perform. I have a wide range of music and knowledge of various key tunes. I can read audiences and have learned how to keep them entertained and involved with whatever I am doing.

I have a saying that I live by, she who drives too fast has no need to worry about cholesterol !!